A controversial subject…
As I watch the news today, I'm bracing myself for a slew of social media posts, arguments, and possible protests concerning former President Trump's indictment. Fox News and MSNBC are guilty of name-calling, making generalizations, finger-pointing, and general rudeness from their hosts and guests.
We can all agree that debate is healthy. It's one of our most important civic duties. But there is a difference between debate and disrespect.
I can't help but think back to the days when people could disagree with one another without resorting to insults and slander. Sure, there were always those who would take things too far—but for the most part, we respected each other's opinions.
How do we get back there? How do we engage in respectful debate?
Here are some tips for debating with class and respect:
Avoid personal attacks -
Debates often involve a lot of emotion, and negative emotions are more likely to lead us astray than positive ones. So when you feel angry or frustrated, take a deep breath and remind yourself that it's not about the other person but what ideas they're presenting.
Avoid Generalizations -
You should also avoid sarcasm and exaggerations. Any of these tactics shift an argument's focus. It forces the other person into a corner to defend themselves, and they start to make excuses. That means they aren't listening to what you are trying to communicate.
Using terms like always or everyone blows the situation out of proportion and gives the opposition an inroad to make your argument look weak. You can't have a constructive conversation this way. You always… This always… Everyone thinks… Everyone says… people often make generalizations when they have no other argument.
Don't Be A Know-It-All -
No one likes a know-it-all in any situation, so don't be one yourself! There is not a single person on this planet who knows absolutely everything—so approach conversations and debates with humility.
Don't make threats or issue ultimatums. When you slip into this habit, your argument fades to black, and the focus shifts from discussing ideas to defending yourself against a threat or issuing one of your own. This does not contribute positively to the conversation—in fact, it can only lead down a path of increased defensiveness and hostility.
Be Respectful -
As tempting as it might be, avoid rolling your eyes, shaking your head or tutting. Don't insult the other person's intelligence by saying something like "duh" or "obviously".
Don't be sarcastic, insult, or adopt disrespectful body language.
Do not interrupt. It might be tempting to butt in to refute something the other person is saying, but it's important to wait your turn. Note it and bring it up when it's your turn. Think about how annoying it is when someone interrupts you. Think about how frustrated you feel when you can't finish your point. Don't do the same to someone else, even if they keep doing it to you. Be the bigger person.
It's also important that you avoid raising your voice. The louder your voice gets, the more likely it is to incite anger. Don't get sucked into a shouting match.
It's Over When It's Over -
No matter what, only walk away if the debate is over. Unless, of course, the other person is being verbally or emotionally abusive. Until then, show them the respect you wish to be shown and participate until an agreement is reached.
Walking away is disrespectful even if that agreement is to agree to disagree. However, someone behaving irrationally and disrespecting the entire process shouldn't be entertained any further.
Agreeing to disagree is a more significant challenge when stakes are involved and facts to rely on. But that doesn't mean that it's impossible. When you debate and agree to disagree, you establish peaceful relationships.
When you establish peaceful relationships, people are more willing to open up to you about their beliefs, and they're more open to having debates about them. That can only be a positive step forward because you never know when you or someone else holds a toxic belief that requires correction. You don't have to agree with everything your friends, co-workers, family, or partners do. But it's good to have those beliefs challenged from time to time.
The reality of life is that arguments are everywhere. We argue over breakfast, we argue in the boardroom, we argue to persuade, we argue to investigate ideas, and because of that, we argue to make decisions collectively. It's easy to forget that there are ethics to arguing, making it easy to slip into old habits and mistreat others when you fall into an argument or debate.
Before you debate a topic, belief, value, or subject, show your opponent the respect they deserve by researching your position thoroughly. You should always have a wealth of evidence to present because there is no point debating your position if you cannot back up what you say. Use your research and the evidence you collated to put your brief together.
Keep it short and to the point, but ensure you use the best sources of evidence to state your case. Staying focused on stating your case without resorting to sneaky tricks or personal attacks is essential.
Always separate the idea from your identity and your opponent's identity. It's a debate of ideas, not a debate between two people. Separating those two things should make it easier to keep your emotions level.
Search for common ground before you delve into the topic at hand. It's essential to see the person on the other side and not just their idea, even if it is terrible. Ultimately, no matter the topic, you are still two human beings having a conversation, and it's important to remember that to keep things on an even keel.
Put your best foot forward, and no matter the result of your debate, as long as you do it properly, you can walk away with your head held high.
