PCS Guilt: Letting Go of Regrets and Moving Forward
It's that time of year again - Permanent Change of Station (PCS) season has arrived. With an estimated 450,000 PCS moves each year, and 40% of those happening during the summer, many service members and their families are presently coping with the upheaval accompanying relocation.
My family and I are embarking on our 10th PCS, but due to various circumstances such as mid-tour moves, this will actually be our 14th move in total. In fact, we've moved three times in just the past two years alone. Needless to say, I'm currently struggling with PCS depression, and I know I can't be alone.
We're currently living in our base apartment but with none of our belongings. Instead, we're using loaner furniture, and the emptiness of our surroundings is overwhelming. The walls are bare, the floors are without rugs, and the silence is deafening. It's difficult to feel at home in this environment, and I'm really struggling with it.
Our kitchen is in a sorry state as well. We are making do with just one pot, frying pan, and four sets of utensils and plates we borrowed. We have managed to hold onto some basic spices - salt, pepper, garlic, oregano, and basil - as well as a bit of olive oil and vinegar.
Since we will all travel to our new duty station in one car, including our 70lb dog, my daughters and I are limited to just one suitcase each. We are only two weeks into this situation, and I am already tired of the limited clothing options I have kept. As another military spouse aptly put it, we are currently experiencing various degrees of deprivation.
Our current living space is having a negative impact on my mental well-being. The dreary surroundings are making it difficult for me to find the motivation to get up and start my day. I've been attempting to suggest sightseeing ideas to my preteen daughters to help us get out of the house, but unfortunately, their complaining and whining have made it a challenge.
As we approach our final two weeks in Naples, I'm struggling with the guilt that I didn't make the most of our time here. I'm piling on emotions at this point. In the 22 years my family and I have been moving around, this is the first duty station I haven't enjoyed. I know what you're thinking - how is that possible? After all, we are in Naples, Italy.
Two years ago, just before we arrived in Italy, my family and I were in the midst of what was supposed to be our final ten days in St. Louis. We had sold our house and were living in a hotel, eagerly awaiting our flight. However, our plans were abruptly halted when we received devastating news - our visas were delayed. In fact, our passports and visa applications were nowhere to be found. For six agonizing weeks, we were left in limbo, frantically seeking answers day by day. I called the visa office daily, reached out to Congressional Representatives weekly, and even attempted to contact the White House, but to no avail. Each day of waiting felt like we were hemorrhaging money, and no end was in sight.
Finally, after six long weeks, we received our visas and boarded a plane to Naples. My husband had already flown out a few weeks earlier, as his command could no longer wait for him to arrive. After overcoming jetlag, we decided to explore downtown Naples. Unfortunately, we made a wrong turn during our walk and ended up on a road filled with trash and homeless people, who my daughters initially thought were dead.
These two incidents had a significant impact on my attitude, or perhaps I allowed them to do so. Typically, I would have brushed them off and started anew. Unfortunately, the following year did not fare much better. In an effort to truly experience the Italian culture, we decided to live off base. We had done this twice in England and loved every moment. However, this time, we experienced the not-so-pleasant side of Napolitan living and were robbed twice within four months.
Thankfully, none of us were physically harmed, but the incidents did take a toll on our mental well-being. My husband, in particular, was affected after waking up to find strangers in our home for the second time. They had stolen all of our jewelry, including my wedding ring, my late father's wedding ring, my daughters' baptismal crosses, and my husband's extensive collection of cufflinks and watches. They also made off with my designer purses and our car during the second robbery. Although we submitted an insurance claim, we still faced a loss of $8,000.
Following the second robbery, we were able to relocate on base. My daughters flourished in this new environment, but unfortunately, our dog Winston struggled with apartment living. As for me, I found myself shutting down and no longer wanting to be in Naples. Subconsciously, I was building walls to protect myself from any further heartache. I wasn't actively seeking new friendships as before - I simply wanted to leave.
In hindsight, it's clear that I should have sought help to pull myself out of this funk. I regret not saying yes to more invitations and opening myself up to new experiences. As I write this blog, I want to let go of the guilt that has been weighing me down.
As a life coach, I have a unique ability to help my clients see their blind spots and gain new perspectives on life. I firmly believe that everyone deserves to live their best life, but it's not always easy to do so on our own. As you've read in this post, I've struggled with this myself and have had to learn some difficult lessons along the way.
But I want you to know that you are not alone. If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of your next steps, I'm here to help. Together, we can work through any challenges you may be facing and create a plan to help you live the life you truly deserve.
So, if you're ready to make a change and start living your best life, I encourage you to take action today. Contact me to schedule a consultation, and let's begin this journey together. Remember, you don't have to do this alone.
